Your First Date Strategy: Rules and a step-by-step guide for getting ready
Butterflies in your stomach, feeling giddy, you start to wonder about a future together. First dates are the best, right? Well, not for everyone. First dates can be a nerve-wracking experience. Whether it's your first-first date or a first date with a new person, each can bring a lot of anxiety. Don't worry. We've got you covered. By implementing our first date strategies, you'll learn how to make a first date plan. That way you're ready and confident during that first meeting.
When you're coming up with your own unique first date strategies, keep in mind that you have to play to your strengths. It's all about you and channeling your inner self-knowledge. You're showing off your best assets to attract the right person. Not just any old guy will do. By following just a few simple guidelines, you'll be ready for that best first date you've ever had.
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First date advice
First dates are like an adventurous interview. Usually, you have several rounds of interviews to get the job, right?
Like your career, dating to meet the right person for you takes a little time, preparation, and research.
That's right, you should actually do some research to make sure you've got the right strategy in place.
Our most critical piece of advice for anyone reading this is to play to your strengths.
That means you should be making decisions that highlight your best features and help build your confidence.
These activities, places, and questions may change over time and as you gather experience on first dates. Remember that your first date strategy is a working draft.
Reviews, revisions, and drafts are not only expected but mandatory.
First date rules
You're going out with a complete stranger for the first time.
It doesn't matter how long you've talked to them online or even on the phone. After all, we've all seen the TV show Catfish, right?
Your safety always has to be your first priority. To ensure you can relax and have a good time, follow a few essential rules:
The date has to both start and end in public places - more people around makes it unlikely for your date to try anything shifty.
Someone needs to know where you are at all times - whether by GPS tracker or texting- you need a way to communicate with the outside world if you're in trouble.
Screen potentials thoroughly - and document all of those details, so you can hand them off to your trusted confidant.
Trust your instincts - if your gut says get out, then GTFO, no need to apologize.
Have an escape plan - whether that involves a friend making an "emergency call" or fake a text saying you have to leave. Ensure you know how you're getting out and where all the exits are.
Never leave your drinks unattended - you never know what an untrustworthy person might do when you're not looking. If you've gotta go, finish your drink first, then excuse yourself.
Some of these may seem extreme. But they're simple precautions that you should be taking, so you can relax and have fun on your date. If your date notices and remarks that your choices are rude, that's the biggest red flag.
A considerate and aware person will respect your choices and understand completely.
Developing your first date strategy
This is more of figuring out who you are and what you want to show off to a potential partner. You're playing to your strengths, and you're calling the shots.
If the guy comes up with an idea, suggest yours instead. That way, you won't have anxiety about being out of control. This way, you can ease into things and have a great time without planning too much.
Choose three places
You want to have three ideal first-date places to choose from. You can make three suggestions giving your date the illusion of choice when you're planning. Choose three places that you:
Actually enjoy
Feel safe in
Know the exits of
Matches the mood of the date you're going on.
Having at least three date locations in your back pocket also means you don't have to think about it!
You know what options you're going to suggest and what is on their menu.
Choose three different types of locations that are very public. We generally suggest a coffee shop, a bar, and a casual restaurant.
Ideally, you'll know a few things nearby that allow you to progress the date naturally if the desire arises.
For example, you could meet at the coffee shop knowing there's a cinema nearby. Then, once things go well, you can suggest seeing a film at the local theater around the corner.
Or near the bar is a lovely late-night pizza place where you can grab a bite.
Or if you opt for the casual restaurant, maybe it's near a popular local landmark.
Whatever your three choices are, make sure you feel comfortable and safe there.
Also, make sure they're not your "local" places.
Taking a date to a super cool hip place where everyone knows your name sounds great initially. But what if they turn out to be a creep. They'll always know where to find you! Or, they'll start bringing other dates there after you break things off. Whatever it is, don't give up your favs.
Choose the right outfit
Want to really put your best foot forward? Wear something that makes you feel confident, comfortable, and sexy. Choose outfits that highlight your best features.
Proud of that ass? Wear some nice tight jeans.
Got legs that go on for days? Rock a mini-skirt or some denim shorts.
Got great cleavage? You better wear that adorable v-neck t-shirt and a leather jacket!
Whatever you've got, flaunt it. But be sure that you've chosen clothes for the first scene.
Your sense of style can say a lot about you, so don't give too much away.
Stick with no more than three colors, including one neutral, and your daily amount of makeup. That way, you're showing what you really have to offer rather than setting the bar too high for yourself.
Know what you want to know
You've likely got a list of things that you'd like to have a partner to do with you.
For example, if you like hiking, you want to find out if they do too.
If you're a huge fan of Dune, think of some tangential pieces you could ask about. Passionate about food? Know what your own favorite food cultures are.
Once you know what you want to know, think of some fun and creative questions to get the answers you want. For example:
What do I want to know: Is he spontaneous?
Question: If you had to pick up and move to an ideal tropical island, what are the 5 things you'd take?
Questions like these tell you a lot about their ability to improvise and what things are most important to them.
For example, what if they included a dog on that list?
Heck yeah, you get to talk about dogs now!
Or if they brought materials to build a raft, you'd know the tropics aren't for them!
These kinds of questions can be fun and challenging. Also, they can tell you all you need to know to decide if you actually want a second date.
Know your limits and boundaries
You're interviewing them just as much, if not more than they're interviewing you. You aren't there to waste your time, and you've got to figure out if there are dealbreakers on the board.
To figure out what your dealbreakers are, maybe spend some time thinking about things that are most important to you, such as:
Do you want kids in the future? Find out if they like/hate kids.
Are you socially liberal? You've got to learn about their views on the LGBTQIA+ community, abortion, and similar hot-button topics.
What is their family relationship like? Tired of momma's boys or those with a ton of family baggage? Figure out when to steer clear.
Do they match your life choices? For example, if you're vegan you need to figure out if their perspectives align with your own choices. We're not saying a vegan has to date a vegan. But that a vegan should date someone supportive and respects those choices.
These are just a few ideas for weeding out potential suitors who are likely to waste your time.
Figure out the key issues that matter most to you and kick 'em to the curb if you find you're incompatible.
You should never compromise your perspective and ideals for a partner. Weed them out early to save yourself time and heartache.
Practice your listening skills
Listening is a bigger part of communication than most people recognize.
Having even half-decent recall will impress your date and make them put their best foot forward.
Want to increase the odds of them scheduling a second date with you?
Engage wholeheartedly in what they're saying. Ask clarifying or follow-up questions about their hobbies, opinions, and interests. It shows that you're interested and that you find them interesting.
Follow-up questions don't have to be a deep dive, but just clarifying ones shows you're listening.
Smile, nod your head, laugh when appropriate, and encourage them to open up more about themselves. They're saying something because they feel it's important, so listen. Hopefully, they'll do the same.
Look out for red flags
First dates are fun, but they're also a great time to figure out what you're not okay with.
Hinting that "all my exes are crazy," or they've never been in a relationship could be huge time-saving red flags.
Some critical red flags to look out for are:
How do they treat the staff or people in customer service?
Are they trying to violate your boundaries by asking inappropriate questions or initiating touch too soon?
Are they spending a little too much time checking out the other women in the coffee shop?
Do they have zero opinions about anything?
Is overly critical of the food, place, or just about anything?
There are countless red flags you need to be ready for. Just figure out what is important to you first to know what you're watching for.
Know what you want
You don't need to walk into the first date with a crystal clear answer to this.
But, you should have at least something in the back of your mind pushing you in one direction or another.
Unsure of what you’re looking for? Check out my article on this to help get clarity.
Going on dates can be fun and fulfilling all by itself. If that's all you want, and you're more of a casual type of person, know that.
If you're looking for a long-term relationship partner, be aware of that.
Also, if your date asks about what you're looking for, don't be afraid to be honest and open.
It could save you both time.
Of course, you don't need to go into details about the Tudor-style-house-on-the-quarter-acre-lot-with-a-golden-retriever plan in your back pocket.
But you can let them know you're looking to develop a connection with a partner.
Know what is pertinent to share so that things move in the right direction and toward what you want.
If you lie and get stuck in a situationship because you didn't ask for what you wanted, you've only got yourself to blame. You deserve whatever you want from a relationship, but you need patience and honesty to get that.
A first-date strategy is crucial for dating with purpose and clarity. It can be an exciting event that you get to savor if you just have a few critical plans in place.
Why you need a dating coach
Dating, love, and relationship coaches are all the rage right now, but why?
Because the dating landscape has fundamentally changed, it takes a dating expert to keep up with these types of changes. You shouldn't have to constantly research and study just to get a few quality dates this year.
By taking dating classes and working with dating experts, you're giving yourself more opportunities to meet and recognize the love of your life. And you deserve the love you're looking for.
If you're ready to start living your best romantic life, contact me today to learn more about our dating class options.
“Beware the man who doesn’t ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.”
— Merrill Markoe
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