10 Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship - What to look for and where to improve
It's normal to feel insecure in our relationships from time to time. Being concerned about the health of your relationship is a good sign. Your relationship takes daily maintenance, care, and concern, much like another person. Start feeling more secure in your love life and with your partner by knowing the signs of a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship will feel healthy because you and your partner are in balance and harmony. You respect each other’s differences, support one another, communicate openly, and have a shared sense of trust.
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1) You're not afraid to share your feelings
It shouldn't come as a surprise that open communication is a characteristic of a healthy relationship.
But that includes being honest and upfront when you're upset about something or when you feel bothered.
If you're afraid or feeling stifled by your partner, it may be a red flag that you need to discuss.
When you share your feelings with your partner, you should feel safe, cherished, and understood. And you should also leave space for your partner to share their thoughts.
Relationship coach tip: If you're unsure how to start sharing your feelings, check out this blog on communication tips for couples. Practicing reflective listening or situational inspiration for difficult conversations.
2) You are aware of each other's love languages
Most people don't share the same love languages for couples how to use them with their partner, and that's perfectly healthy.
Being aware of how your partner understands love being shown to them is crucial for long-term success.
It means that no matter what, you'll have a few tricks up your sleeve to make sure your partner feels loved and celebrated.
Relationship coach tip: If you're unsure of your partner's love languages, ask! You can take this free love language quiz together to learn your love languages. After you've shared your love languages, make lists of ways you like to be shown your love language. Give your list to your partner. That way, everyone has a support inspiration list.
3) You support and encourage each other
Everyone has dreams and goals.
Maintaining those visions by ourselves can feel challenging at times.
When your partner challenges you to meet your goals, you feel loved for who you are at your core and who you will become.
Relationship coach tip: Don't know how to encourage each other? Start celebrating all the small victories in your life together. Such as "great job doing the dishes, babe, I could eat off the countertops!" or "I love spending time with you, can we try doing your hobby together?" These little victories and celebrations can add to an intense feeling of appreciation.
4) You celebrate your differences
Differentiation of self is critical for a healthy relationship.
You need to know where your relationship with your partner ends, and you begin. Maintaining your separate interests, hobbies, and friend groups keeps an air of mystery between you.
This mystique can help keep your spark in your relationship alive. It can also help remind you of who you are.
That strong sense of identity is crucial for building confidence.
Relationship coach tip: Stuck inside during COVID-19 and can't do anything? Take separate online courses together, and then teach each other what you've learned. That way, you both learn about each other's interests while pursuing your own.
5) Boundaries are respected
Being in a healthy relationship means you're working together all the time.
Setting boundaries around shared and separate things in your life are essential.
By respecting each other's boundaries, it shows you've been listening.
Also, that you care deeply about your partner's wellbeing. So if you set a budget, stick to it.
If you're going to only go out with friends twice a week, don't act like you're in prison. These boundaries are what keep you secure.
Relationship coach tip: Afraid to talk about boundaries together? You wouldn't be the first. Accepting that speaking isn't your strength is perfectly okay. Write your partner an email, a note, or jot down some bullet points. There's nothing wrong with communicating creatively.
6) You feel happy and content overall - but leave room for emotions
You may believe that people in a healthy relationship are happy all the time.
That definitely isn't the case.
Being happy and feeling content in a relationship is important.
But, it isn't the only characteristic of a healthy relationship.
People and relationships have high points and low ones.
You know you're in a healthy relationship when you both honor and leave space for expressing both happy and less-than-happy feelings.
Relationship coach tip: It's okay if sharing your emotions isn't your thing. You still have to communicate. Just play to your strengths and comfort. Ask your partner to look away or sit back to back with you. This way, you can take all the time you need, and you don't feel as pressured. Embrace and ask for what makes you feel safe and free to express yourself.
7) You trust each other
Trust is a central part of a healthy relationship.
In the era of hookup apps, social media, and cell phones, it becomes all too easy to sneak a peek.
When you're in a healthy relationship, you don't feel the need to do that.
You know you trust your partner when they say they will be there, and they are, consistently.
You also know you can depend on them to give you space when you need it.
Relationship coach tip: Temptation to look at your partner's phone is a familiar feeling. Especially with all the toxic messaging around relationships these days. Create a mantra you can fall back on when you feel tempted that comforts you. Something like "My insecurities do not control my behaviors." Or, "our relationship is worthy of trust, support, and love."
8) You still play together
At the heart of a healthy relationship is two people who love hanging out together.
Keeping a lightheartedness in your relationship is vital for long-term success.
Feeling safe about making jokes or going on a spontaneous adventure is a good sign of a healthy relationship.
Relationship coach tip: Sometimes, the tone isn't right for playfulness. Accept that and realize that it's impossible to be in a good mood all the time. Doing this helps create space for authenticity and being yourself when you need that space.
9) You incorporate the 5 types of intimacy
You can read more about the 5 types of intimacy here, but generally, you mix things up and spend time together.
Sharing physical intimacy of one kind or another is critical for the health of a relationship.
We don't necessarily mean sex, although that is important for many people.
Sharing touch, adventures, and who you are are signs that you're in a healthy and well-rounded relationship.
Relationship coach tip: If you're in a sexless relationship, don't put your focus on getting the sex back. Start slow and reintegrate, touching and embracing each other first. These are critical first steps, and they shouldn't be skipped over on the way to penetration.
10) You feel like you're on a team
When two people work in (relative) harmony together, that's when you know you're in a healthy relationship.
Feeling like your partner has your back, and you have theirs is crucial, especially when important decisions arise.
Incorporating each other in those decisions and asking for input is an excellent sign that you're in a healthy relationship.
Relationship coach tip: It is always you two versus a problem, not you versus your partner. Keeping your eye on that will make facing the future together much less daunting. It's all about communication and compromise.
***Bonus Tip***
11) You can admit when you need help
Relationships aren't easy, but they are worth it when you both put in the energy. Knowing when you need help or support in your adventure through life together is a sign of strength and commitment. Seeking out relationship coaching signifies that you are dedicated and committed to your joy together. If you feel like you need help in your relationship or sex life, contact me today.
The key to a healthy relationship is simply the goal of creating and maintaining one!
Spend time talking with your partner about what you want your relationship to look like. Your relationship will always be unique to the two of you, so craft it that way starting today!
“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.”
-Catherine Gilbert Murdock
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